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How to Forgive
Is there literally anything harder than learning the skill of forgiveness?
Modern day Western culture acknowledges how hard it can be to forgive someone who has wronged us or done us harm. That’s certainly been my experience. I’ve been nursing some of my grudges for almost twenty years. I’ve blanked people on the street whose time, body and soul I once worshipped.
Forgiveness goes against every battle-weary instinct in our body. Even in an advanced civilised society, we are biologically programmed for vengeance. It is a default state of the human condition. It’s why judicial processes — criminal and civil — exist, in order to give vent to this fury. If there were no courts, most people — it is casually assumed, probably correctly — would struggle to resist the temptation to enact “eye for an eye” justice by their own hand.
That’s why we valorise forgiveness, is it not? Its rarity makes it all the more worthy of our applause. And, at the other end of the scale, we tend to be quite critical of those who hold a grudge. Refusing an apology is — you know who you are — plain bad manners, actually quite rude. After an appropriate period of time, even our nearest and dearest expect us to let it go. “It’s time to move on, babe. You’re beginning to sound bitter.”
